Part Deux

I might be back? Maybe who really quite knows but I do know for sure that I needed to get out today. Something deep inside my gut woke me up in the knick of time to drive down to boston and just explore a place I have explored so many times. Honestly Boston, I saw a whole other side of you today, and you were waiting for me. I walked your streets, with a good friend I might add and I felt like I had a purpose weird, I know, kind of dorky, I know, but it wasn't completely like that at first. Honestly, I was pretty rusty, my trigger finger was stiff and my eyes were overwhelmed and confused I thought I was gonna suck and have nothing to look at. With every step I took through the streets however, the more I felt like I was a part of it and the more comfortable I felt working. By the end of the day I got to know some fantastic people and I got a glimpse into people who if I had just walked by would never have known their greatness. I really needed this, I have been struggling trying to find a meaning around here and I think I might be one step closer to finding it.

Maybe

This is some of the stuff I have been up to, yeah its ok. I am just not satisfied with myself.

I never quite am really. I am just trying to figure out exactly what I enjoy doing in life. Where it is I want to go and what I want to do. Life is strange and scary at times but thats just how its gonna be always.

I just need to find a way to stop fearing life itself and really start living even if it means doing something I never thought I could do. Or just taking a risk worth taking.

All I can really say is maybe.

When Life Gives you Lemons.

There is no choice but to make something with it. 

There are many options like: 

Lemon meringue pie

Lemon Tarts

Lemon Cream Cheese cookies

Humus: yes its got lemon juice in it.

Classic Lebanese dressing for Fattoush 

Lemon Spritzer

Lemon Cake

Lemon Pancakes?

Lemon Sauce

Lemon Bar

Lemon Icecream

Lemon Snow Cones 

Lemon Slurpees Slushes whatevers

and Last but not least

Lemonade

I will make all of these if that is what it takes to feel better about the lemons in my life.

Experimenting

this semester is calling for  a TON of experimenting I think.  I am only  in one photo related class which is weird for me and 2 illustration based classes. But oddly enough I am finding myself wanting to design purses.. weird? i know.

I sit around and wonder what I can do with photo and illustration to create PURSES.

I hate annoying designer purses.. especially coach. It's funny how a bunch of obnoxious C's can make a purse 125 bucks or more. I want to make a purse that is not stupid looking, has some cool art on it, and is more than affordable. I'll even sew them if I have to. Idk why but thats been kind of my thoughts recently.

ok enough ranting about purses

I have one project happening, where I am using makeup and buttons for portratiture. This is gonna range in color and style so it should be fun, doing it all myself as well.

then I have found myself doing spontaneous color things, I like to convert my pictures to black and white and then use one color for highlights and one for shadows. I don't know why but I love stitching things together. especially in weird ways.

 this is the beginning of a series I am starting up I sat over at this place called ate doors down(awesome food btw) and as people walked by I took their pictures, mind you I wasn't looking through the view finder I let it sit on the table.

This kid just so happened to walk by twice, once with nothing and then walked out with a bag, I am assuming he either was ordering takeout or he delivers chinese food...

a ray of hope..

i have been struggling alot with a lot of school work, mainly cause I am in a class that is not where i really focus.

I am in an illustration class and I am not exactly the greatest but i have been working my ass off like crazy! I think it definately paid off today because he said that i was kicking butt. I had everything that was supposed to be done done for today and i was the only one minus like 2 people which was a good start. and then i finished everything i was supposed to.

I went into this class with the weight of opposition and i feel it being lifted off of my shoulders more and more every single day. It's such a relief for someone to tell me that I am actually doing well and he wonders why they said not to try.

I just feel like everything is coming around :D

"Somedays aren't yours at all,
They come and go
As if they're someone else's days
They come and leave you behind someone else's face
And it's harsher than yours
And colder than yours"

Every day is a struggle for me. I try to do the best i can in something i am not the best at, I always put effort into maintaining my relationship. I work really really hard with my artwork for school, using the day that i have off from school to put 8 hours of straight work on my homework, I then head off for work at 5:00 come home round 10:30, do more work, go to sleep wake up for work at 9:00 get out at four then maybe i hang with friends or i go up to school and do MORE WORK.

I work at my job very little and use that money to get myself to manchester every week. I then leave and come home. I call up my boyfriend and he tells me of all that he is doing and how people are there hanging out, I hang up the phone feeling lonely, depressed, kinda sucks.

I woke up and everyone was leaving this morning, I have had a quiet long, lonely day. the lighting the sky is making isn't helping. I just wish i wasn't by myself. My sister Christina is busy at school, living there and I wish she was home so I wouldn't have to go to bed alone.

Its awful that even with my family around me at the end of the night I feel so alone. I feel like I am never gonna leave and grow up, and its scaring me..

Some days really aren't mine at all. Alot of days aren't... This is one of them... I realy wish I could be with my friends today...

As Summer takes its last breath

I can't deny for a second that this summer was one of the best i've had out of all my years of life. I for the the first time ever feel that i have accomplished something for myself and i feel that I have found out a lot about who I am and who i was before this point in my life. There were a ton of things I went throughout between july 2007 and now that have shaped me into the person I am as of today.

Starting up at NHIA basically changed my life. It was a chance for me to change for the better. I was stuck in a crowd that was ruining me more and more day by day and I was stuck in a bad cycle of use and abuse. I found that the escape to art school though its not far from the problem was a saving grace. I quit smoking, and ditched the ball and chain that was keeping me in a ring of bad habit, earned back my dignity in the process which was a plus.

Freshman year at NHIA introduced me to people who were not a waste of time and they have been loyal friends from the day i met them. I found that I had a lot more to offer up than i did in high school. I worked harder than ever, having a very meager social life but earned some fantastic grades for the first time in years.

To put the cherry on top, I met my boyfriend there the second semester. He has inspired me to do more than just snap a picture and is a major help when it comes to pushing myself out of my comfort zone. There is nothing more exciting for me right now than being with someone who understands your struggles and teaches you as much as you teach them. The best thing is not only does he understand but he loves me.

I have had a summer with friends who are really good,loyal and fun. I haven't had friends like that in years. I just wanted to say as summer draws in its last breath

That I will never forget you and will mourn you as the sun drifts away again.

But I know that during the cold winter I will still the memories of fantastic summer to make crunching the leaves more enjoyable this fall and keep me trudging through the nasty mushy snow on the Manchester sidewalks this winter.