Wednesday, October 8, 2008

a ray of hope..

i have been struggling alot with a lot of school work, mainly cause I am in a class that is not where i really focus.

I am in an illustration class and I am not exactly the greatest but i have been working my ass off like crazy! I think it definately paid off today because he said that i was kicking butt. I had everything that was supposed to be done done for today and i was the only one minus like 2 people which was a good start. and then i finished everything i was supposed to.

I went into this class with the weight of opposition and i feel it being lifted off of my shoulders more and more every single day. It's such a relief for someone to tell me that I am actually doing well and he wonders why they said not to try.

I just feel like everything is coming around :D

Friday, September 12, 2008

"Somedays aren't yours at all,
They come and go
As if they're someone else's days
They come and leave you behind someone else's face
And it's harsher than yours
And colder than yours"

Every day is a struggle for me. I try to do the best i can in something i am not the best at, I always put effort into maintaining my relationship. I work really really hard with my artwork for school, using the day that i have off from school to put 8 hours of straight work on my homework, I then head off for work at 5:00 come home round 10:30, do more work, go to sleep wake up for work at 9:00 get out at four then maybe i hang with friends or i go up to school and do MORE WORK.

I work at my job very little and use that money to get myself to manchester every week. I then leave and come home. I call up my boyfriend and he tells me of all that he is doing and how people are there hanging out, I hang up the phone feeling lonely, depressed, kinda sucks.

I woke up and everyone was leaving this morning, I have had a quiet long, lonely day. the lighting the sky is making isn't helping. I just wish i wasn't by myself. My sister Christina is busy at school, living there and I wish she was home so I wouldn't have to go to bed alone.

Its awful that even with my family around me at the end of the night I feel so alone. I feel like I am never gonna leave and grow up, and its scaring me..

Some days really aren't mine at all. Alot of days aren't... This is one of them... I realy wish I could be with my friends today...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

As Summer takes its last breath

I can't deny for a second that this summer was one of the best i've had out of all my years of life. I for the the first time ever feel that i have accomplished something for myself and i feel that I have found out a lot about who I am and who i was before this point in my life. There were a ton of things I went throughout between july 2007 and now that have shaped me into the person I am as of today.

Starting up at NHIA basically changed my life. It was a chance for me to change for the better. I was stuck in a crowd that was ruining me more and more day by day and I was stuck in a bad cycle of use and abuse. I found that the escape to art school though its not far from the problem was a saving grace. I quit smoking, and ditched the ball and chain that was keeping me in a ring of bad habit, earned back my dignity in the process which was a plus.

Freshman year at NHIA introduced me to people who were not a waste of time and they have been loyal friends from the day i met them. I found that I had a lot more to offer up than i did in high school. I worked harder than ever, having a very meager social life but earned some fantastic grades for the first time in years.

To put the cherry on top, I met my boyfriend there the second semester. He has inspired me to do more than just snap a picture and is a major help when it comes to pushing myself out of my comfort zone. There is nothing more exciting for me right now than being with someone who understands your struggles and teaches you as much as you teach them. The best thing is not only does he understand but he loves me.

I have had a summer with friends who are really good,loyal and fun. I haven't had friends like that in years. I just wanted to say as summer draws in its last breath

That I will never forget you and will mourn you as the sun drifts away again.

But I know that during the cold winter I will still the memories of fantastic summer to make crunching the leaves more enjoyable this fall and keep me trudging through the nasty mushy snow on the Manchester sidewalks this winter.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

An artists voyage of self discovery.

"My life is poetry; part of the greatest library.Our author knows us all by heart, because his love is for his art"- Elijah Wyman
I sit here and there are a couple of things I can truly say and know that I am always going to believe what is said for the rest of my life. 

1: An artist should try any and every medium even when they have found their niche. Learning something new is a must for an artist and will in fact always keep your mind from being idle.
2:When others say you can't don't let it get you down, let it encourage you. Sure you may not be the most talented at one thing verses another, but when someone says to you to stick to what you know than they are narrow minded and should realize that the people who went beyond their comfort zone are by far the most successful.
3: When you are at the lowest point of your life, don't try and dig yourself deeper, use what you love to overcome what you are going through, don't go to the temporary things that you can't rely on.

I think when I look at my life The most impacting way to look at it is through photographs. Its like looking at ever moment frame by frame and never really having to stop looking. I think that what I do is a means of time travel... I love it.

I think that when I look at my series of Photographs piling up year by year, I will see the lows and highs of my life. This is the Highest point of my life so far. I am in love with a person who loves me for who I am regardless, and not only does he make me happy, but he has cenetered me in a way that no one else has.

I have a family who Love me and friends who care and I wanna capture that too. Part of being an artist is discovering where your niche is. But what also is part of being an artist is taking it a step further. Not only do I want to capture my dreams, but I also want to capture my very reality.

Life is something every person can relate to and also can inspire a person, drive an opinion into their heart. An image can prove someone guilty or innocent, a picture is truly worth a thousand words.

But what is also inspiring is someone who can inspire you to create anything you want because they believe in you.

I guess what I am saying is surround yourself with inspiration, and keep on discovering who you want to be, as an artist and as a person in this world.

Monday, August 4, 2008

life is what happens when you make plans.

So far for my photos this summer it has been photo documentary and taking photos of a restaurant for my mothers boss. He has this wonderful restaurant down in NewburyPort Ma called Oregano's. While I was there I got to try some Fantastic food and had probably the best waitress I've ever had. The place is very elegant, with its brick walls, beautifully made bar and awesome pizza tossers. I ussually don't talk about places like this but its probably an 4 out of 5 stars in my book!